The Flame Burns Brighter
by ncismom
Summary: The unexpected reunion with Jason King brings up another memory that Tony had long thought buried. Can Gibbs help him face the past before he loses himself in the flames? This is a short birthday fic for AZGirl.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Flame Burns Brighter**

**Author: ncismom**

**Disclaimer: No matter how hard I wish, NCIS still does not belong to me**

**Spoilers: A WHN for the episode _Rekindled_**

**Summary: The unexpected reunion with Jason King brings up another memory that Tony had long thought buried. Can Gibbs help him face the past before he loses himself in the flames? This is a short birthday fic for _AZGirl._**

It had been a long time since Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had felt so…He tried to search for a word to describe how he was feeling at the moment, but there didn't seem to be any adjective that could adequately describe the myriad of emotions that were coursing through him. The reappearance of Jason King in his life had caused an upheaval of memories that he had buried many years ago. Why couldn't the past simply stay in the past?

As he rode the elevator back up, Tony dreaded facing McGee and Ziva; there would be more questions and truthfully, he wasn't ready to answer them. The agent realized that his earlier revelation had garnered a bit more respect from his two colleagues, but in the grand scheme of things, that really didn't matter to him anymore; he was too busy trying to cram those unwanted memories back in the box that they had escaped from. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.

It seemed the night that he had chosen to save Jason was merely the first time where he would have to make a life or death decision that would shape him into the man that he was today. He seemed destined to make these choices and every time he was forced to do so, he would spend days, even weeks, berating himself, wondering what he could have done differently. He always arrived at the same conclusion and that was that he wouldn't have done anything different; if only his heart would listen to his head.

He forced his thoughts back to the present as the elevator doors opened. It was time to slip his mask back on so he could focus on the case; Tony had a feeling that they had barely scratched the surface in their investigation. Before he could step out onto the floor, his path was blocked by Gibbs, who without uttering a word, ordered him back into the elevator and handed him his back pack.

"Something wrong, Boss?" Tony asked, uncertain as to the team leader's purpose.

"Time to go home."

"Home? I thought…"

"Need a little time to think."

"Oh. Well, I guess I could use a shower or something."

"Yep," Gibbs agreed. "I think I'm gonna go home and put on a couple of steaks."

Tony tiredly grinned at the hidden invite. He truly appreciated the fact that Gibbs always seemed to know what he needed and right now, he needed time to regroup and get his head out of the past and back in the game. "Cowboy style?"

"What other way is there?"

He decided that the shower could wait; his stomach suddenly reminding him that it had been a while since he had eaten. The elevator stopped at the parking garage and the two men exited and began to make their way to their respective cars. "I'll bring the beer."

"Make sure it's the good stuff," Gibbs instructed.

"You got it, Boss."

Tony pulled out his car keys and unlocked his door. Slinging his backpack into the passenger seat, he paused for a moment before getting behind the wheel. "Hey, Gibbs?" he called out.

Gibbs stopped and turned at the sound of his name. "What?"

Tony realized that he wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to say, but somehow, Gibbs still understood him. They both possessed the ability to say a lot without uttering a word; their often silent form of communication often frustrated his colleagues, but there was a profound level of trust between the two men that had developed over the years and Tony truly cherished that bond. "I uh…I'll be right behind you; I just have to stop for the beer."

"Don't be late, DiNozzo."

"Right."

The senior field agent got in his car, started the engine, and pulled out into the garage. He patiently made his way through the parking garage and onto the street. Driving through the streets of D.C., Tony replayed the past few days in his mind, his thoughts still lingering on Jason King and the memories that had been stirred up as a result of his presence. Although that event had changed the direction his life had taken, it was another choice that he had made that had reaffirmed his decision to become a cop.

_***flashback***_

_Rookie Officer Tony DiNozzo had been sitting in the exact same spot for over three hours. He had answered so many questions that he couldn't even remember what he had said to the investigators; his mind was numb and he simply didn't want to think any longer. How had everything gone to hell so quickly? His partner was dead because he had been forced to make a choice—a choice that he had never wanted to make again. _

_As he continued to stare at the blanket that now covered his training officer, Tony began to replay the events of the night. Could he have done anything differently? He was following orders, but those orders had cost his partner his life and now, he was questioning whether he had made the right decision in becoming a cop. Tony had wanted to make a difference, but at the moment, he felt like a failure. _

_The medical examiner instructed for Sergeant Mark Gage's body to be taken to autopsy. Wanting to accompany his friend's body, Tony slowly stood to his feet. As he took a tentative step, he stumbled and caught himself, realizing that his side was on fire. He looked down at the crimson spot spreading on his shirt. He didn't remember being shot, but apparently he had been, and now, he was the one in trouble. Tony tried to form the words to call out for help, but he couldn't form the words. _

_The world began to spin as the darkness began to close in on him. Falling to the ground, he only hoped that if he died as well, that Mark's family could find it in their hearts to forgive him…_

**TBC….**

**Happy Birthday, AZGirl. Hope you enjoyed the first post. **

**To all my other readers, don't worry-this is just a two chapter story for my dear friend AZGirl! I do hope you all are enjoying it as well! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

_Tony could hear his name being called, but he couldn't remember how to form the words necessary to answer them. He finally managed to open his eyes to discover two EMT's hovering over him. A sense of panic began to consume him; he felt like he was smothering and he began to struggle. Reaching up, Tony attempted to pull the oxygen mask off his face, but one of the paramedics prevented him from doing so. _

"_You need to leave that alone, Officer DiNozzo," the EMT said. "You're on your way to the hospital; evidently you got shot and didn't bother telling anyone right away."_

_That explained the hot poker burning in his side. He remembered getting shot. Tony also was able to recall everything else that had happened; the memories of the past few hours were still playing in his mind like a bad movie. The evening had started out routine, but within a matter of minutes, the monotony of the night had been shattered and now, his partner was dead; all because he had been forced to make a choice. As his thoughts continued to mull over the past couple of hours, one question kept haunting him; why couldn't he have been the one to die? _

_He and his partner had stopped for coffee and had ended up walking in on an armed robbery. Mark had entered the store first and had been felled by two bullets to the leg. The confusion had allowed the gunman to grab a little girl and head out the back. Tony had knelt by his partner, working feverishly to stop the bleeding; there wasn't a doubt in his mind that the bullets had hit an artery. _

_Mark had insisted that he pursue the shooter and the little girl. Although Tony knew that his priority lay with the little girl, his loyalty was to his partner, who was more than likely going to bleed out before help arrived. He motioned to the cashier to hold pressure on Mark's leg and he took off after the assailant while simultaneously calling for backup and an ambulance. _

_Tony went out the back door into the alleyway, catching a glimpse of the man and the crying girl. The young officer had ordered the gunman to stop and to his surprise, the man acquiesced and slowly turned around; he was clutching the girl to him and had his gun leveled at her head. Tony had to tamp down the worry that he had for his partner and concentrate on the situation before him. He couldn't take a chance on the girl being hurt; she had her whole life before her and the thought of failing her was something that Tony didn't want to consider._

_He tried to negotiate with the gunman, but the only thing on the perpetrator's mind was escaping. This man was beyond reason; Tony could see it in his eyes and the officer was afraid for the young girl's life. _

"_You're already facing armed robbery, kidnapping, and attempted murder," Tony informed the man. "You don't want to add to those charges."_

"_Sounds to me like I don't have anything to lose!" _

_The terrified child began to sob louder, which only served to unnerve her captor. She was trying to squirm free, forcing the assailant to falter in his stance. Tony took the opportunity and fired at the man's knee. The robber dropped to the ground, releasing his hold on the girl. DiNozzo saw the wounded man raise his gun towards the girl, prompting him to cover her with his body as he pulled her to the safety of the ground. _

_Tony returned fire, effectively ending the gunman's life. Ignoring the dull ache in his side, he picked up the little girl and made his way back into the store. Handing the child off to her grateful mother, he knelt down beside his partner as the EMT's frantically worked on him. He knew that the paramedics were fighting a battle they couldn't win; Mark had lost too much blood and there was nothing they could do._

_Exhaustion claimed him as he watched one of the EMT's cover Mark's lifeless body; Tony sat back against the counter, allowing uncertainty and guilt to consume him. He had done his job, but the price of doing his job had come with a high price. Why did he seem to be condemned to make these choices? His thoughts went drifted between his partner and the memory of Jason King's sister, which was bursting out of the catacombs of his mind. It wasn't fair that he was now going to plagued by another death that he should have been able to prevent; of course Tony also was well aware of the fact that life wasn't fair and there was nothing he could do about that particular reality. _

_Forced back to the present, he felt himself drifting as the ambulance doors opened and he was whisked into the emergency room. He heard several voices calling to him once again, but he didn't have the energy or desire to answer them; at the moment, Tony simply didn't care. _

_***end flashback***_

The sound of someone pecking on his window brought him out of his reverie. Tony suddenly realized that he had arrived at Gibbs' place without any recollection of driving there; glancing up, he saw the team leader standing outside his car, his concern evident in his normally stoic expression. How long had he been sitting there?

Tony got out of the car to face his Boss. "DiNozzo? What are you doing?" Gibbs wanted to know.

"I uh…I'm not sure," Tony honestly replied. "I was driving and I ended up here. I uh…seem to have forgotten to stop for the beer." Even something as minute as forgetting the beer made him feel like he was disappointing Gibbs and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do. "I'll just run back out and…"

"I've got some beer. Come on inside; you look like you're gonna pass out."

The dark-haired agent shrugged. He _was _tired, but he knew that he wouldn't get any rest tonight; the frenzy taking place in his mind would prevent him from having a respite. Tony knew that was why Gibbs had insisted he come by for dinner; he needed a sounding board and Leroy Jethro Gibbs was more than willing to oblige. "I'm fine, Boss. Like I said, my mind wasn't on what I was doing and my car just naturally found its way here. Your basement must be like a homing beacon or something."

Gibbs wasn't buying his act. "Does this still have to do with Jason King?"

Leaning against his car, he slipped his hands in pockets and studied the ground. Jason King was only part of the plethora of memories assaulting him. "Partly. I guess just seeing him brought up some other memories."

"Your training officer?"

Tony shook his head in partial disbelief. Gibbs knew him better than he knew himself, so he realized that he shouldn't be surprised that the older man also knew about that part of his past as well. The agent knew that the team leader would have read his file, but he had never asked any questions; Gibbs' unconditional acceptance of him had been the foundation of their relationship and for the first time ever, he didn't have to pretend to be someone he wasn't.

"Yeah. It just seems like…like I'm always having to make these decisions," Tony continued, his voice betraying the exhaustion and defeat that he felt. "Jason's sister, Mark, Kate, Paula, Jenny…they just keep dying, Boss, and I keep having to live with the 'what ifs'…I would have traded places with any of them, Gibbs."

"It wasn't meant to be, Tony. You're still here because you're not done."

"Waxing philosophical on me, Boss?" he wearily teased.

Tony winced as Gibbs' hand made contact with the back of his head. Most people believed that the infamous head slaps were because he needed to focus, but DiNozzo knew that they were more than that; it was a constant reminder of rule number five and the fact that the Marine believed that he was good.

"Nope," Gibbs replied. "Just telling the truth. It's a lesson I had to learn after…after I lost Kelly and Shannon. It took me a long time to realize that I still had a lot to live for and so do you."

"I know," the younger man conceded. "I just can't help but wonder if I could have done more."

"Remember what I told you earlier? You helped when others didn't. You made a difference and you're continuing to make a difference. _That's_ what you've got to remember, DiNozzo."

He knew Gibbs was right. Despite the Marine's words, he was still going to have to work through a lot of resurfacing guilt that he had lived with all these years. Tony tiredly smiled as the older man gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. In that simple action, DiNozzo knew that Gibbs was telling him that everything was going to be all right and given time, Tony would be able to believe him.

Together, they walked inside Gibbs' house; it was going to be a long night, but there wasn't a doubt that by morning, Tony would have his balance back. As Gibbs prepared the steaks, Tony grabbed them a couple of beers and sat down on the couch. The older man started the fire in the fireplace and joined him on the couch.

It was Gibbs who broke the companionable silence between them. Taking a sip of his beer, he said, "Tell me about Mark."

Other than the mandatory session with the department shrink, Tony had never spoken of the shooting to another person. Gibbs was willing to listen and he was ready to talk; perhaps in finally dealing with the past, he could concentrate on the future. He drank a couple of swigs of his beer and laid his head back on the cushion; yes, it was time to truly start healing. "It was my first day on the job…"

**My apologies to AZGirl for the delay in getting the second half of her birthday story posted—I do hope you enjoyed it my friend. Thank you for the honor of being able to write you a fic for your birthday; I proved to myself that I can write a short story! LOL. As for the rest of my readers, thank you so much for your response to this story. I appreciate your loyalty and your patience. Real life just gets in the way and I am thankful that you all are so understanding. Now, off to do some work on Outside the Frame. **


End file.
